How To Fall In Love Again With Your Spouse

Let’s face it – we love our spouse more than life itself. And frankly, we cannot imagine life without them! But the truth is, from time to time, our love for each other needs renewal. While love can be forever, it often needs nurturance, recommitment, and an occasional makeover. Love has its season for renewal.

Every so often, our “love affair” needs rekindling. Every once in awhile, we need to “strike another match” and rekindle the fire in our relationship. And the simple truth is, sometimes we need to fall in love all over again!

So here is the question of the day – how do you keep your love alive? How do you fall in love all over again?

Our research on successful marriage suggests five actions you can take to fall in love again – to incur the passion you once knew in your marriage. Here they are in nutshell:

1. Our research has revealed time and time again the importance of the “loving touch.”
2. Engage in a process that allows you to re-establish the communication links between the two of you.
3. Work hard to have fun with each other!
4. Upend expectancies!
5. Tell your spouse how much you love them and why!

To learn more read How To Fall In Love Again With Your Spouse

Does Online Dating Lead to Marriage?

Oh, the times, they are a-changing! This refrain is from a very famous Peter, Paul, and Mary song. And the truth is, people are finding love in different ways than they did is year’s past. Online dating is a reality today.

According to recent estimates – and we think they are pretty credible – one in eight couples who got married last year met online. Some think the number is closer to one in four. However, we see no evidence that this is the case. One in eight is much more likely to be true.

So here is the important question – is it appropriate and safe to meet online? To see what we have learned read Does Online Dating Lead to Marriage?

Jon and Kate Got It All Wrong: Married With Children

Like us, we are sure many of you have been following the on-going saga surrounding the so-called “reality” show, Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Well, it seems like Jon and Kate are going to go their separate ways – divorce seems eminent. Ah, but apparently, the show must go on in spite of their impending divorce. Where to begin!

The sad truth is, Jon and Kate could have learned some valuable lessons if only they had reviewed our research findings! If they had, they might still be happily married and their eight children might have gotten to live and grow up in a loving, caring, and facilitative home environment. But alas, they didn’t.

So here is where our message comes in today – there are four major caveats we have learned over the years from all those successfully married couples we have interviewed that we think applies to the case of Jon & Kate Plus Eight – the Gosselin family.

Here they are in a nutshell:
1. The relationship between mom and dad trumps everything else in a marriage.
2. Successfully married couples do not air their family laundry (dirty or otherwise) in public.
3. Exploiting your family, particularly your children, for fame and fortune is never a good thing.
4. Privacy and alone time are one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage.

In the end, Jon and Kate would certainly have benefitted by knowing the “four caveats of successful marriage,” Maybe there is hope for their family. Maybe there is hope for their eight children.

To learn more about these read Married With Children: Jon and Kate Did It All Wrong

The Divorce Rate is NOT 50%

We just read yet another article that stated the divorce rate in the USA was 50%. The divorce rate is not nearly as high as it is often reported in the popular media. We need to change that perception because it can be a discouraging message to those contemplating marriage. Most experts we have talked to believe the rate is closer to 40%. We ourselves have estimated the rate for first time marriages to be at somewhere between 35% and 40%. In other words, when you take out all of the couples married multiple times, your chances of staying together the first time you get married are really 60-65%.

For more details read The Divorce Rate Myth Debunked

Gratitude is the Secret

"We would offer that gratitude is the secret of a successful loving relationship." from our new book due out in October, Simple Things Matter in Love and Marriage.

Summer of Love

The truth is, if we all had our Summer of Love there would be no violence, no heartbreak, no disaffection, no scorn or hate – there would be only love and peace. From our new book, Simple Things Matter in Love and Marriage

Thanks to Our Readers

We wanted to post a special thanks to all of our readers who came to the Book Expo America in New York City this weekend and stood in long lines to have us autograph our book for you. We feel totally overwhelmed by your support and the many touching stories you told us. Your loyalty to us has meant more than you will ever know. It is so gratifying that our book, Golden Anniversaries, has won so many awards. Look for our new book, Simple Things In Love and Marriage, in early Fall 2009.

Charley and Charley

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz
Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Marriage Advice - Fact or Fiction?

The Internet and television are very valuable resources for many of your unanswered questions about life, love, relationships, and marriage. There is much to learn that is available on the Internet and TV. But all that is out there is not the truth, it is not accurate, and it can be misleading. And it can be hurtful!

So, here is what we ask you to do – ask yourself these questions when you find advice on the Internet and on television about life, love, relationships, and marriage:

1. Do those who have written or spoken the advice have the proper academic credentials?

2. Do the advice givers have personal and credible evidence to support the notion that they are “experts” in their field of “advice?”

3. When you carefully read or listen to the advice being given, ask yourself this question – is the advice overly hyped?

4. Ask yourself this question – is their advice “beyond belief?”

5. Is the advice you are reading on the Internet from a source you can trust?

To find out more about what you can do to determine if the advice you hear is fact or fiction, just read the entire article, Marriage Advice - Fact or Fiction?

To Love Deeply

People in love care for each other in ways that they have never cared for another human being. They feel a sense of responsibility for another person that they have never felt before. It feels so good to put another's needs above your own. To do so is to love deeply.

We Are Back On The Blog

Sorry we haven't been on the blog lately, as we have been finishing up the writing of our new book, Simple Things Matter in Love and Marriage. It went to the publisher yesterday. Yeah. Look for it on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and bookstores near you in July of this year.

We promise to get back to blogging and helping you with all of your questions. Just email us at Doctors@GoldenAnniversaries.com and let us know how we can help you improve your relationship and marriage. We are happy to be actively back on-line. Have a great weekend.

The Best Things On Valentine's Day Are Free

In these tough economic times we think it is important to again remind folks that the best things in life are free. To love, to be loved, and to give the gift of time is the best gift you can give to someone. This is an especially important message on Valentine’s Day 2009.

In our book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, we report the findings of our 25-year study of successfully marriage couples in the USA and around the world. In fact, we have interviewed couples on FIVE continents of the world and will travel to continent number SIX this coming fall.

We found in our studies that there are seven pervasive characteristics that thread throughout all successful marriages. For our Valentine’s gift to you, we are pleased to offer three suggestions related to each of those “seven secrets” for saving your hard-earned money on Valentine’s Day by giving the most precious gift of all – your time!

Here goes, the Gift of Time lists all of these suggestions just for you in the article, The Best Things On Valentines Day are Free. Enjoy!

Love Is Not Complicated

All too often in life, people make assumptions about love and relationships that do not stand up under scrutiny – that are not supported by the available evidence. So, what are the facts?

One of the great misconceptions of all time about love and relationships is this – just do the “big” things and everything will turn out well. And what do the Big Things include? For starters the list includes “having financial stability in your relationship,” “being in love is all that matters,” “having a good job and a house in the suburbs,” and so it goes. But the truth is, these “Big Things” are important, but they are only a by-product of “doing the simple things.” Here’s what we mean.

It is an established fact – successful love is based on an accumulation of the “simple things.” If you want your marriage and your relationship to succeed, just do the simple things! Do them day in and day out. When your relationship has mastered the “simple things” you have a chance to make it work. You have a chance to make it last. But if you don’t, well, failure is an option.

There is another important fact of life when it comes to love and relationships – there will be big challenges to address in your relationships, of that you can be sure. You might have to deal with financial setbacks, serious illness, the loss of a job, or the death of a loved one. And trust us on this – if your relationship with the one you love has mastered the art of doing the simple things day in and day out, the likelihood of your relationship making it through the tough times are multiplied many times over.

To read more about why the Simple Things Matter

Sex Will Not Save Your Marriage

Oh my goodness, what next?

We heard today that the Reverend Ed Young of the Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas plans to tell his congregation this coming Sunday that he wants married couples to have sex all week long. He says that God may have rested on the seventh day, but he wants married couples to have sex every day for a week!

He goes on to say, "I won't be dressed in pajamas" while delivering his sermon while sitting on a bed. In these days of financial crisis, debates over same-sex marriage, and the like, it's time, he says, to turn the "whining" into "whoopee."

The question is, where do you start with debunking such a ridiculous notion. Let us count the ways!

For starters, we all know that good sex can be fun, romantic, exciting, and something that makes most consenting adults feel warm and fuzzy all over. Over the years we have interviewed thousands of successfully married couples and most report a reasonable degree of satisfaction with their sex life. But here is our most important research finding concerning this issue – no marriage was ever saved or made successful because the couple had a great sex life.

To read about why Sex Will Not Save Your Marriage

Love In Tough Economic Times

For the past several months the Stock Market has been in decline, the unemployment rate has gone up, and home ownership has taken a dip. Sometimes, watching the Evening News causes one to wonder if the good old USA is in decline, if the financial state of America has caused marriages to crumble, love to decline, and people to forget the greatness of the nation we live in.

We would offer that while times are tougher than normal, the best marriages and love affairs will sustain the test of time for all the right reasons – during good or bad times the best loving relationships almost always survive. And we know why!

The truth is, the economy of the USA is on roller coaster ride, but in an historical sense, there is nothing particularly unusual about the current economic turmoil. We have been here before. There have been worse times.

The more important question through all this is, “How do we as a married couple, or lovers engaged in a loving relationship, make sure we sustain our love affair through all this turmoil, through all this uncertainty?”

To find what to do during these tough times read the entire article

When Am I Ready To Get Married?

Yesterday we had a delightful radio interview with a Pennsylvania radio station about our research on successful marriage. We were asked a question we have been asked before in some form or another, but not as directly or succinctly as the host asked it. His question – “When am I ready to get married?”

Discussing this critical question with the radio show host required careful thought and simple truths. So today we wanted to share with you what we believe to be the answer to the question in an article called "When am I ready to get married?"

Here is the link for you to discover the three ingredients necessary before you are ready to get married.

Some Marriages Are Not Worth Saving

Frankly, we know that some marriages and relationships are not worth saving. And do you know how hard this statement is to make for people like us – the eternal optimists who always see a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow—who always see a silver lining? Unfortunately, the truth is the truth when it comes to love and life . . . and marriage.

The simple truth is, some marriages and relationships should not and cannot be saved. As harsh and evident as this truth is, it cannot be avoided in the case of some marriages and relationships. And in the end, when you have exhausted the solutions available to you, you simply must cut the tithes that bind.

Read more to find out which marriages cannot be saved

The Look Of Love In Brazil

Today in Rio de Janeiro we saw the look of love from two lovebirds who have been in love since they were eight years old.

We had the great pleasure of interviewing Attilio Borriello and his bride of 51 years, Arlette. And trust us when we say this – they look like love! They are the look of love.

Attilio and Arlette are from San Lorenzo, Minas Gerais, Brazil, the third largest metropolitan area of the country and about a four-hour drive from Rio. They were in Rio visiting family, and we were introduced to them by their 23-year-old grand daughter, Cristiana.

We were blessed by the opportunity to interview them today over lunch at La Garota de Ipanema (The Girl from Ipanema) restaurant.

To find out more about Attillo and Arlettee

Summer Love

There is something about the summer that encourages love. Maybe it’s the bright summer sun. It could be the warm summer breeze. Maybe it’s the refreshing summer water! Perhaps, it is the summer vacation. And isn’t baseball played mostly in the summer?

Whatever the cause, it appears that most people fall in love during the summer and get married during the summer – more than in any other season of the year. In fact, the research data we have collected over the years for our new book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, reveals that the months of June, July, August, and September are the most popular months to get married. Needless to say, we have often wondered why. Why all this Summer Love?

Read the rest of the article to learn why.

Finding An Ideal Husband

On July 6, Maureen Down wrote an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times entitled, "An Ideal Husband." Let us say up front that we do not often share the views of Ms. Dowd as we believe her musings tend to be on both the negative and the cynical sides of life, and as you know, we take a much more positive approach when we talk about love and relationships. Ms. Dowd extensive quotes from Father Pat Connor, a 79-year old Catholic priest, born in Australia and based in Bordentown, New Jersey. His views about finding the ideal husband simply cannot be supported.

We have studied successful marriage for over 25 years. We report our findings in our new book entitled, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage (©2008). More than anything, finding the one you want to marry is, in the end, a matter of the heart. We believe there are better ways to determine if you have found the right person to marry.

Read more to find out what an ideal husband really is.

Love's Core Values

We have learned a lot about successful love and marriage in the USA and around the world over these past 25+ years. The results of our studies are shared in our new book entitled Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage. It is not our purpose in this article to articulate for you those “seven secrets.” What we would like to do is share with you what we have found to be the Seven Core Values of All Loving Relationships.

Over the past 25 years, we have learned much about what makes great marriages tick – about what makes them successful. Even in spite of ominous odds from time to time, the best marriages survive and thrive, and we know why! They survive and thrive because they are committed to the Core Values present in all great marriages and successful loving relationships.

Read the article to learn the seven core values of love.