Does Online Dating Lead to Marriage?

Oh, the times, they are a-changing! This refrain is from a very famous Peter, Paul, and Mary song. And the truth is, people are finding love in different ways than they did is year’s past. Online dating is a reality today.

According to recent estimates – and we think they are pretty credible – one in eight couples who got married last year met online. Some think the number is closer to one in four. However, we see no evidence that this is the case. One in eight is much more likely to be true.

So here is the important question – is it appropriate and safe to meet online? To see what we have learned read Does Online Dating Lead to Marriage?

Jon and Kate Got It All Wrong: Married With Children

Like us, we are sure many of you have been following the on-going saga surrounding the so-called “reality” show, Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Well, it seems like Jon and Kate are going to go their separate ways – divorce seems eminent. Ah, but apparently, the show must go on in spite of their impending divorce. Where to begin!

The sad truth is, Jon and Kate could have learned some valuable lessons if only they had reviewed our research findings! If they had, they might still be happily married and their eight children might have gotten to live and grow up in a loving, caring, and facilitative home environment. But alas, they didn’t.

So here is where our message comes in today – there are four major caveats we have learned over the years from all those successfully married couples we have interviewed that we think applies to the case of Jon & Kate Plus Eight – the Gosselin family.

Here they are in a nutshell:
1. The relationship between mom and dad trumps everything else in a marriage.
2. Successfully married couples do not air their family laundry (dirty or otherwise) in public.
3. Exploiting your family, particularly your children, for fame and fortune is never a good thing.
4. Privacy and alone time are one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage.

In the end, Jon and Kate would certainly have benefitted by knowing the “four caveats of successful marriage,” Maybe there is hope for their family. Maybe there is hope for their eight children.

To learn more about these read Married With Children: Jon and Kate Did It All Wrong

Thanks to Our Readers

We wanted to post a special thanks to all of our readers who came to the Book Expo America in New York City this weekend and stood in long lines to have us autograph our book for you. We feel totally overwhelmed by your support and the many touching stories you told us. Your loyalty to us has meant more than you will ever know. It is so gratifying that our book, Golden Anniversaries, has won so many awards. Look for our new book, Simple Things In Love and Marriage, in early Fall 2009.

Charley and Charley

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz
Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Relationship Between Husband and Wife

"The relationship between husband and wife trumps everything else in a marriage. Get it right and good things follow. Get it wrong and lots of bad things often happen!" To See More Love and Marriage Quotes

We Are Back On The Blog

Sorry we haven't been on the blog lately, as we have been finishing up the writing of our new book, Simple Things Matter in Love and Marriage. It went to the publisher yesterday. Yeah. Look for it on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and bookstores near you in July of this year.

We promise to get back to blogging and helping you with all of your questions. Just email us at Doctors@GoldenAnniversaries.com and let us know how we can help you improve your relationship and marriage. We are happy to be actively back on-line. Have a great weekend.

The Best Things On Valentine's Day Are Free

In these tough economic times we think it is important to again remind folks that the best things in life are free. To love, to be loved, and to give the gift of time is the best gift you can give to someone. This is an especially important message on Valentine’s Day 2009.

In our book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, we report the findings of our 25-year study of successfully marriage couples in the USA and around the world. In fact, we have interviewed couples on FIVE continents of the world and will travel to continent number SIX this coming fall.

We found in our studies that there are seven pervasive characteristics that thread throughout all successful marriages. For our Valentine’s gift to you, we are pleased to offer three suggestions related to each of those “seven secrets” for saving your hard-earned money on Valentine’s Day by giving the most precious gift of all – your time!

Here goes, the Gift of Time lists all of these suggestions just for you in the article, The Best Things On Valentines Day are Free. Enjoy!

Make Love Your New Year's Resolution

This is the time of the year when so many of us make promises to ourselves and others that we hardly ever keep! These so-called “New Year’s Resolutions” sound good when we make them but, all too often, we ignore them by Valentine’s Day.

You know the familiar refrains – I will lose weight. I will quit smoking. I will call my Mom at least once a week! – and the list goes on.

How about you do something different this year. How about making a New Year’s Resolution that you plan to keep. Why not make a commitment to make love your New Year’s Resolution? More importantly, why don’t you make a commitment to tell someone you deeply love that you really love them – and that you will do it several times every day in 2009!

To read more about Making Love Your New Year's Resolution

Some Marriages Are Not Worth Saving

Frankly, we know that some marriages and relationships are not worth saving. And do you know how hard this statement is to make for people like us – the eternal optimists who always see a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow—who always see a silver lining? Unfortunately, the truth is the truth when it comes to love and life . . . and marriage.

The simple truth is, some marriages and relationships should not and cannot be saved. As harsh and evident as this truth is, it cannot be avoided in the case of some marriages and relationships. And in the end, when you have exhausted the solutions available to you, you simply must cut the tithes that bind.

Read more to find out which marriages cannot be saved

Summer Love

There is something about the summer that encourages love. Maybe it’s the bright summer sun. It could be the warm summer breeze. Maybe it’s the refreshing summer water! Perhaps, it is the summer vacation. And isn’t baseball played mostly in the summer?

Whatever the cause, it appears that most people fall in love during the summer and get married during the summer – more than in any other season of the year. In fact, the research data we have collected over the years for our new book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, reveals that the months of June, July, August, and September are the most popular months to get married. Needless to say, we have often wondered why. Why all this Summer Love?

Read the rest of the article to learn why.

Finding An Ideal Husband

On July 6, Maureen Down wrote an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times entitled, "An Ideal Husband." Let us say up front that we do not often share the views of Ms. Dowd as we believe her musings tend to be on both the negative and the cynical sides of life, and as you know, we take a much more positive approach when we talk about love and relationships. Ms. Dowd extensive quotes from Father Pat Connor, a 79-year old Catholic priest, born in Australia and based in Bordentown, New Jersey. His views about finding the ideal husband simply cannot be supported.

We have studied successful marriage for over 25 years. We report our findings in our new book entitled, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage (©2008). More than anything, finding the one you want to marry is, in the end, a matter of the heart. We believe there are better ways to determine if you have found the right person to marry.

Read more to find out what an ideal husband really is.

Love's Core Values

We have learned a lot about successful love and marriage in the USA and around the world over these past 25+ years. The results of our studies are shared in our new book entitled Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage. It is not our purpose in this article to articulate for you those “seven secrets.” What we would like to do is share with you what we have found to be the Seven Core Values of All Loving Relationships.

Over the past 25 years, we have learned much about what makes great marriages tick – about what makes them successful. Even in spite of ominous odds from time to time, the best marriages survive and thrive, and we know why! They survive and thrive because they are committed to the Core Values present in all great marriages and successful loving relationships.

Read the article to learn the seven core values of love.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

What’s love got to do with it? Is love really a second hand emotion? A famous song focused on these notions. So what’s the truth about love? Is it real or is it a second hand emotion?

The truth is, love is something very hard to define. Love is often times indescribable. And most certainly, love is NOT a second hand emotion. There is no question about it – love is real! Love is something you feel. Love is something you know to be true even if you can’t define it or describe it.

Read more to find out why you should risk it all to fall in love

Dancing To Love

A Texas friend of ours swears that great love comes to those who dance. And guess what, he makes a very compelling case!

For those of you that have read our new book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage (2008), you will recall our chapter called “The Loving Touch.”

In a nutshell, we have concluded that one of the seven secrets of a successful loving relationship is touching. If you pass the one you love 100 times a day, touch them! Touching acknowledges the presence of the one you love and tells them, “I love you so much I simply must touch you.”

Read the rest of the article

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The Essential Virtues of Successful Love and Marriage

This morning, a great friend of ours sent along an article that we were really taken with. For those who have read our book, Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage (2008), you may recall a chapter entitled, “A Tribute to Lasting Love” (pp. 271-274). In this chapter we highlighted the wonderful six-decade marriage of Sandy and Pris, whom we had interviewed for our book.

Over the years, Sandy and Pris have been advocates for “character education” for young people. They have been very philanthropic when it comes to this passion of theirs.

As we thought about the article by Dr. Tom Lickona based on his book entitled Character Matters: How to Help our Children Develop Good Judgment, Integrity, and Other Essential Virtues (Simon & Schuster, 2004), we were struck by the similarity of the “virtues” he believes essential for “strong character” and the virtues we have discovered in our research over the years about successful loving relationships.

To read the rest of the article

Memorial Day and Love Forever

Today, we took off on a journey of remembrance. Memorial Day 2008 seemed like a good day to embark on this trip down the memory road of love. Today’s trip down the memory road of love brought forth an avalanche of thoughts about the meaning of love – particularly about love on such a sacred day as Memorial Day.

Charley’s Uncle Verney was a war hero. He fought in World War II, participated in the liberation of Paris, and was wounded at the Battle of the Bulge. Frankly, that fateful day changed Verney’s life forever. He took a machine-gun shell through his thigh. Miraculously, someone drug him to the cellar of an abandoned farm house where he nursed his wound by himself for nearly a week. Before his death, Uncle Verney recounted many times how good he felt the day he was saved by an American Medic.

To read the entire article

Traditional Marriage Is NOT Dead

Traditional marriage is NOT dead and we know that for a fact. We hear them all the time – those purveyors of half-truths, un-truths, and political agendas. You know the ones – the ones who continually pronounce to the world that traditional marriage is dead. Well, all we can say is – don’t believe it!

In the year just ended, there is substantial support for our point of view. According to the best estimates we can find, there were some 43,500,000 marriages worldwide in 2007. There were 8,750,000 divorces in the same year. If you do the math you can see that worldwide, marriages outnumber divorces by a ratio of 5 to 1. Stated clearly and succinctly, there were five marriages for every one divorce in the world last year. Hardly sounds like the death of marriage to us.

Read more about why traditional marriage is NOT dead

Do You Mommy Your Husband?

We just had to comment this evening on a CNN Article "Do You Mommy Your Husband?" In our 25+ years of research with successfully married couples, we have never heard any evidence to support this notion. In the hundreds of interviews representing over 15,000 years of collective marital wisdom, the couples we interviewed reported that they care deeply for and pamper each other. However, we have never had this kind of behavior reported from successfully married couples. There is absolutely no research or scientific evidence to support this article. CNN had to make this stuff up. Only at the end of this article did they get it right with the comments "Bottom line, Schwartz says: A normal amount of nurturing is fine, but to keep a relationship healthy, show your affection in a respectful way. After all, one thing is certain, she says: 'He doesn't want to be married to his mother."

We would like to hear what you think.

The Perfect Wedding Gift

The best wedding gift of all is the gift of marital success! While we tend to shower newlyweds with material gifts, perhaps, the best gift of all would be to share with them the secrets of a successful marriage. In other words, maybe we should help those who are getting married learn how to get it right the first time. A happy and successful marriage could be the greatest gift of all. Read the rest of the article

Why Beautiful Women Do NOT Marry Less Attractive Men

We think the whole "visual thing” when it comes to love and relationships is dramatically overrated. Our 25+ years of research on successful love and relationships would call into question the study that came out recently entitled “Why Beautiful Women Marry Less Attractive Men.” To put it bluntly, the authors of this study are just plain wrong! Their conclusions are flawed. Read more to find out why

Breaking Up By Text Message Is Wrong!

This week Carrie Underwood, the 2005 American Idol winner, split with her long-time boyfriend, Chace Crawford, by sending him a text message. Can you imagine! Are relationships of such little value that a simple text message is all that is needed to end them?

How can anyone see the hurt and pain in a person they purported to love by using a text message to end that relationship? What lessons can be learned about the failed relationship when you rely on a text message to end it? How can a person grow emotionally in his or her ability to sustain and enhance a loving relationship by using a text message to end it?

Relationships, even those that fail, are too important to be handled with the detachment of a text message or an email. Love and other human relationships are fragile and need to be handled with a gentle human touch, even when the love ends.

People who enter into a loving relationship and then value it so little as to dispose of it with a simple text message, have lost their opportunity to learn how to make love last and how to take responsibility for being in love. We can only remind them that some day the same can happen to them. Having the courage to end a relationship face-to-face is the only honest thing to do. To do less is to minimize the value of being in love and in the establishment of an intimate human relationship with another.

There is an old saying – “ What goes around, comes around.”